Are You Asking For What You *Really* Want?

“Do you want to pull over here?” I asked. 
“No” he replied.

My friend Ken and I were driving between San Francisco and LA along California Hwy 1, one of the most beautiful highways in the world with incredible views of the Pacific Coast.

“What about here? Do you want to pull over here?” I asked as we approached another turn off with a breathtaking view.
“Not really” he replied again.
“Well, what about this spot? Do you want to pull over?” I asked my fists clenched, my voice tight as the most beautiful view yet came up on our right.
“Nope” said Ken.
Why wasn’t Ken doing what I wanted? Wasn’t I being clear about wanting him to pull over so I could take in the view? 
No, I wasn’t.
I was asking if he wanted to pull over and he didn’t want to pull over.

This was many years ago but if I’m remembering correctly in the end I got angry and he pulled over but it would have been much more fulfilling if I could have just asked for what I wanted.
Here are some ways I could have been clear about what I wanted.
“Ken, this view is absolutely gorgeous would you be willing to pull over?”
“Can you please pull over at the turn off ahead?”
“I’d love to stop and take in the view, can we stop at the viewpoint ahead?”
So often we think that we’re being straightforward and direct when we’re actually making huge assumptions in our communication. 
Even as someone with extensive communication training through Cuddle Party, Authentic Relating and Non-Violent communication, it’s still hard for me to identify what it is that I want and ask for it clearly.
Just as I was writing this my partner called from California where he’s meditating this week.

It was loud where he was and I felt distracted. Instead of asking for what I wanted I said “It’s really loud…” in an irritated voice followed quickly with “I’m sorry sweetie, it would have been nicer to just ask you to move.” as he was already on his way to somewhere quieter.
The times that I can ask for what I want clearly are so amazing!

Sometimes we think we're being pushy by asking for what we want when in fact we're being clear and kind. We're also making it much more likely that we're actually going to GET what we want. 

It's not a guarantee but it certainly ups the odds. 

Are you clear about what you want? Are you asking for it?

I dare you to ask for something you really want today and let me know how it goes. 
Love and clarity,

p.s. I love working on the subtleties of communication and helping clients figure out what they really want. If you want to be more powerful in your communication and your desires let’s talk. Just contact me and write “I want to set up a Clarity Call” with your phone number and we’ll set up a time to have a no pressure chat about what’s working, what’s not working and how I can help. I have room for a couple new clients and would love to work with YOU.

p.p.s. Yay! 


I’m in the middle of nowhere on an extinct volcano meditating from morning until night for the next two weeks. I feel so grateful to be here.

Pond at sunrise by Cecilia Moorcroft

Pond at sunrise by Cecilia Moorcroft

It doesn’t feel like the time to write very much so I’ll keep this short.
In the meditation work that I do we use a term for when life pulls us out, it’s exvolution. We experience exvolution pretty much every time we get on our phone, open our email, turn on the TV or walk out our door. Exvolution pulls us out of ourselves, out of our centre.

The cure to exvolution is involution. Involution is the process of going inside. Not inside our minds with our endless thoughts and worries but into the core of ourselves. The place that’s quiet and still. It’s not easy to get there but those moments of involution are so precious to me.

I’m curious what pulls you out in your life and what helps you to go back inside to the place that’s quiet and still?
Sending much love from this still and quiet space.
p.s. I’ll be back home on August 7th and full of fire and momentum for my clients. If you’re curious to work with me contact me and we’ll set up a time to talk as soon as I’m off the mountain. I have 2 slots open and would LOVE to work with you especially if you’re eager for transformation.
p.p.s. More love…

p.p.p.s. Today is a full moon, total lunar eclipse with the moon conjunct Mars. I'm not sure what it means but it sounds intense!

Feel Stuck? Move in!

This is my view this morning. I’m on Manitoulin Island to visit and hear my sister and her partner play a chamber music concert tonight. It’s a full house at my Mom’s place so I’m staying at the neighbours.

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I used to just live out of my suitcase when I was staying somewhere for a few nights but as I train deeper in space clearing I’ve started letting myself be inspired by my friend Tracey Stanton, who is an amazing space clearer.

Tracey once shared with me that even if she’s only staying somewhere for one night she totally unpacks and moves in. 

So when I arrived on Wednesday evening before going to bed I hung up all my clothes, unpacked my toiletries and lined them up on the vanity and the shower ledge. Once unpacked, and with the permission of my hosts, I did a little space clearing to set the space so I would feel at home for my three night stay.

I find this concept of unpacking and moving in to be so important is all areas of my life.

In my last relationship I never let myself move in completely.

I did on the outside, we lived together and all of our physical boxes where unpacked and moved in but our emotional ones weren’t. Although we were together for almost 10 years there was always a feeling for both of us of having one foot in and one foot out.

We didn’t allow ourselves to be ALL IN.

It’s a funny thing because sometimes we don’t let ourselves be ALL IN because we’re afraid that we’re going to get stuck, when in fact the opposite happens.

We get stuck because we don’t let ourselves be ALL IN.

I’ve seen this so many times with clients. The client moves into an apartment they think is temporary so they don’t totally unpack, they don’t totally move in.

Five years later they’re surrounded by unpacked boxes, still in the basement apartment or living with their parents, because it’s only temporary.

This happens with jobs too. You get into a job you see as a stepping stone or temporary so you don’t really give it your all. It’s not forever. But then 10 years later the temporary job is your career and you’ve spent the last 8 years wondering when you might leave.

If you recognize yourself in these stories in your home, your job or your relationship, I invite you to unpack and move in completely. 

ESPECIALLY if you really want to move on but feel stuck.

My ex and I finally totally committed and “moved in” during the last three months of our relationship. It may seem backwards but after we decided to break up we stayed living together for another 2.5 months and during that time we put all of our vulnerabilities on the table and healed so many of the pains that had been unspoken in our relationship.

The last three months of our relationship were the best, most honest three months that we spent together and I feel so grateful that we gave ourselves the gift of moving in together completely before moving apart.

Where do you have unpacked boxes in your life? Where do you have one foot in and one foot out? How can you move into this moment of your life even more?

Because it’s not about how long your stay, it’s about how much you let yourself be there. 100%

If you’re not where you want to be, move in, not because you’re settling but because you deserve to feel at home exactly where you are right now even if it’s not perfect.

Lots of Love,



p.s. Need some help unpacking? I’m looking for 2 seriously motivated awesome people to join my one on one online Clutter Coaching program. If you’re curious send me an email and we’ll set up a time to chat. 

p.p.s. It’s a new moon today so it’s a great day to clean your space, unpack some boxes and set some intentions!