I was working with a client awhile back and she did a great job clearing her desk. When I asked her to step back and admire her work, instead of looking at her shiny desk, she looked around at all the areas that she hadn't worked on and said "What's wrong with me?".
This is so often our instinct when we get a little taste of what we want. We step back and say, "What's wrong with me, why can't I have it?" It doesn't matter that we're in that very moment experiencing what we want, inside a voice is saying "I can't have that."
You work with a great client and say "I don't know how I'll find more like that one?". You meet an interesting engaging person and before the first date you come up with "very" good reasons it won't work (I'm too big, small, hairy, unusual, complicated. They're too old, young, hairy etc...).
From now on, when you get a taste of what you want, step back and say...
"YES! I want MORE of THAT!"
When you meet a cool person. "Yes! I want more of that!"
When you try on a pair of fabulous boots. "Yes! I want more of that!"
When you have a great day at work. "Yes! I want more of that!"
When you clear a little clutter. "Yes! I want more of that!"
When you visit an amazing home. "Yes! I want more of that!"
When you read, watch, listen, experience an artist you admire. "Yes! I want more of that!"
When you have a great talk with a friend. "Yes! I want more of that!"
Try it on and see how it feels. It may feel a little like wearing somebody else's shoes at first, but keep at it. The part of you that says "I can't have it" or "I can't figure out how to get it" is right, it can't.
BUT, the part of you that can say "Yes! I want more of that!" is infinitely more creative. I promise...
Comment and tell me what you want more of!
You know what I would like more of? I would love to have more fabulous folks such as yourself reading my newsletter. So, if you have any friends or family you think might be interested please pass this along, or "like" it below.
YES! I want MORE of THAT! :)
Take care,
Cecilia Moorcroft
p.s. Hey Toronto! You know how I'm always going on about meditation and how much I love/hate/love it? I'm excited to share that my friend Samantha Keen will be in town offering an introductory weekend workshop June 23-24. You can read more about it here.
Whatever You Do, Don't Feel!
Oh, the hoops we jump through, the rituals we perform to avoid pain.
(My teeth phobic readers, please forgive this newsletter. I give you permission to skip to the end*)
Take this tooth of mine. It's been tugging at my skirt, like a two year old, for months now. Not hurting exactly but saying, "pardon me, excuse me, but things aren't quite where they should be" every morning when I floss my teeth. As a self-employed gal it takes some motivation to get me into the chair so I wasn't in too much of a hurry to make an appointment, even though Dr Skalska is as lovely as dentists come.
Last Thursday I woke up in the middle of the night. Lying in the dark, the ever present light from my neighbour's bathroom was enough to tease me with dawn's approach, but consciousness and a vague pain in the aforementioned tooth set things straight. It's amazing what 3am restlessness will do for worries and pain.
As I lay there, my tooth began to pulse and twitch and my brain went on High Alert mode glomming onto anything that could be worried about. My tooth, the cost of dentistry, my bank account, the time, my appointments the next day, my tooth, the cost of dentistry, what I said to so and so five years ago, etc... After awhile, it wasn't just my tooth that hurt, it was my whole head. I finally fell asleep again an hour before my alarm went off and dreamed of my tooth, the cost of dentistry, etc...
I made an appointment to see Dr Skalska the following Monday morning and a curious thing happened as soon as I did. My tooth stopped hurting. Hmm... Interesting...
It was a small chip, no big deal to fix, but as soon as she diagnosed it Dr. Skalska announced she would freeze it. I don't know about you, but I can't stand the plasticine, spaghetti on your face, numbness that comes with local anesthetic. I'd heard from some brave folks that this was an unnecessary step so I asked her if she could fix my tooth without it. She agreed and got to work.
It was quite amusing, because she kept on telling me how much it was going to hurt, how much she was hurting me, how much pain I must be in, but really, other than a few twinges and some vibration I didn't feel much. In fact, the discomfort of freezing was so much more irritating than this could ever be, because when it was over, it was over. No wondering if I was slobbering like a Bull Mastiff, no poking my face for hours, waiting for my smile to return to the right side of my face. The pain of lying awake at 3am, anticipating this visit was far more than the reality.
(*Teeth phobic folks can start reading again.)
This got me to thinking of all of the things that we do to avoid pain, to anticipate pain, to postpone pain, for ourselves and others, especially when it comes to our clutter.
- We throw our emotionally charged stuff in the basement.
- We gloss over things without really looking at them.
- We keep things 'just in case'
- We hold onto gifts we don't like to save the feelings of others.
- We say yes or maybe when what we really want to say is NO.
- We linger in "I don't know" because we don't want to know or we don't like the answer.
The only way to the other side is through. That's just the way it is. There is no getting around feeling your feelings. That's the frustrating truth of feelings.
You can't skirt, avoid, procrastinate, stuff, squelch, stomp, grind and depart forever. You can feel now or feel later, but at some point you have to feel.
I get exhausted just thinking about all the effort made to not feel. All the cigarettes smoked, all the beers drunk, all the cakes eaten, all the television watched... Most of the time the avoidance is SO much more work than just facing your feelings.
Feel your feelings. Descend to your basement. Open your closet. Look under the bed.
Yes, it might be painful, scary or uncomfortable, but it might not hurt nearly as much as you think. And you know what? Once you feel it, it's felt and you're free to move forward confident that you can smile with both cheeks.
I'd love to hear your thoughts on this, please comment below.
Take care,
Cecilia Moorcroft
Be Honest With Your Closet
Do you ever find yourself trying on outfit after outfit only to find that each one is a little off? You can't do up the zipper, the buttons are popping at the chest and those jeans from high school, they won't even get past your ankles. After the third outfit that's more muffin top than hot mama, how do you feel?
I know how I feel... shitty! And you know what I do when I feel shitty? I eat a cupcake, or three.
Now imagine a world where you open your closet and everything inside fits you. Not only that, but it makes you feel GOOD. The fabric is wonderful and the colours make you feel alive, and the cuts are flattering. How would that make you feel? How would you feel when you start your day? How would you feel out in the world?
Maybe you keep the too small clothes in your closet because you think that they'll serve as motivation to get you off your ass and to the gym, but do they really?
I'll tell you something. At one point in time I was a much bigger gal than I am now. Some days I felt OK about that, but a lot of the time I felt bad about myself. I felt like a failure, like a lazy slob. Everyday I would open my closet to find a whole bunch of clothes that didn't fit. Too tight jeans, that dress I wore once, the skirt I bought in the hopes that I would shrink to fit into it. Depressing, but for some reason I couldn't let them go.
One day I decided to choose me. I let go of ALL the clothes that didn't fit me and only kept the ones that fit and that made me feel good.
What a difference! Suddenly I could open my closet and feel acknowledged and respected. My wardrobe felt current and supportive. Everything fit. Everything felt good.
Any idea what happened next? That’s right, without going on a “diet”, without consciously changing my lifestyle, my body began to change. I began to change! I felt more present in my life, I felt happier in my body and my relationship to food started to shift.
Do yourself a solid and be honest with your closet. It might be painful in the moment of letting go, but your body, heart and soul will thank you for it when you can open your closet and see your current self reflected back.
I'd love to hear any thoughts, questions or experiences you have about the too small clothes in your life below. Good luck!
Take care,
Cecilia Moorcroft